Real Man's Handbook: Verbal Communication Lesson 2
66Woman: We need to talk.
Man: Shoulders slump, defenses up, cornered animal look in his eyes, says “OK” but he’s really thinking “Oh crap, she just said the four most dreaded words in the world! Wonder what I’m going to get yelled at for now?” Or, “Oh man, I’m going to have to sit through a feelings talk.” With this attitude, there is no way to have a constructive conversation.
I know from personal experience that any conversation that ensues will not be satisfying. The man may talk but the ones I know never seem to retain any memory of what was said. I come away from these conversations hoping some of what I said has sunk in. From past experience though, I’m pretty sure only about 10% of the conversation will be remembered. I have spoken to many women who have had the same experience.
So why do women say those four words? It seems like this is the only way to get the man to sit down and talk with us. Women need to hear that we are important to the men we are sharing our life with. Why do men fear those four words? Why are they always expecting the worst? Maybe if they would just spend a few minutes a day talking about the relationship women wouldn’t feel the need to schedule conversation time.
Men want their mate to acknowledge them when they accomplish a mundane (taking out the trash) or special (built a cedar chest) task. One of my ex-husbands actually used to pout when I didn’t show the proper amount of enthusiasm for something he did. One guy I was dating took me on a walk through of his house pointing out the intensive cleaning job he did before I got there. I tried to be enthusiastic because I could tell he was proud of the job he did. I knew by the look on his face that I wasn’t appreciative enough. I was thinking that cleaning needs to be done anyway so why be all like “wow.” I realize now that I should have been all like “wow” because he did something for me that was out of character for him.
Women want the same thing. Men, tell your mate “Thank you” when you see that they’ve done something extra special for you. Tell them “Thank you” every once in awhile for taking care of the house, kids and fixing dinner. Tell them “Thank you” for being part of your life. Let them know when you think that shirt, skirt or whatever looks nice on them. Tell them you love them (if you do) more often than just before, during and right after sex.
Lee Brice’s song “Love Like Crazy” has some great advice: Be a best friend, tell the truth, and over use I Love You Always treat your woman like a lady Never get to old to call her baby And love like crazy
Women need the verbal assurances as much as men. The only difference I see is that women can become very insecure about the relationship if they don’t hear those assurances on a regular basis. I think men get insecure too; they just won’t admit it. I’m not saying to say things a hundred times a day because a woman that needs that much reassurance has other personal issues.
Men, please don’t neglect the verbal communication part of a relationship. Logically, women can tell when a man cares about them but emotionally, we need the verbal assurances.
